Finding family history through the memories of your relatives.

The best place for finding family history is probably a lot closer than you think. No matter how many records are online, there is never likely to be a better source than your own family members for the tales and colour that reveal your ancestors' stories through the ages.

Time is ticking.
Start finding family history tales now.

Just think about it. Your grandmother probably knew her grandmother. If she did, she can tell you about your gt gt grandmother. Depending on your own age, she may have tales and memories of people who were born 100 or even 150 years ago. Even if she didn't know these folk first-hand, she will most likely have heard family tales about them.

Interviewing her will provide information on four or more generations of ancestors without you having to consult a single written record, or pay a fee or subscription. That's why most genealogists will tell you that interviewing your relatives could be your smartest option for finding family history. Don't delay.

Preparation

• Sketch out a provisional family tree before your visit a relative. Fill it with all the information you already have to hand. Don't worry about gaps. You can use this tree as a prompt for your relatives who can either confirm or question its contents, or fill in some of the gaps.

• Gather your treasure!. Finding family history mementos – especially photos – will be richly rewarded. Many people remember faces better than names and photos are an excellent way of jogging memories. Formal wedding photos can be especially useful.

• Choose your candidates. Older relatives should be your priority because they are usually the best outlet for finding family history stories, but don't overlook younger family members. They have probably heard the stories from the older generation.

• Keep your expectations realistic. Be sure of what you hope any single individual to provide. Unless your relative is a family historian, he or she is unlikely to have or know all the dates, names and locations you'd like to get your hands on. (finding family history records before or after the interview is a better idea). Instead, what they have are thoughts, feelings, motivations and perceptions. This is where you find the true colour in your family's story. Such unique details, which convey the essence of characters, places and relationships are lost when someone dies, so treasure them.

• Decide which questions to ask your relative. These might vary from one relative to another, according to their relationship with your direct ancestors.

• Sort out how you will record the interview. Are you going to rely on note-taking or will you record the conversation to machine? If the latter, ensure you are completely familiar with the equipment and check that it is working properly.

Research interviewing etiquette

• Send your questions in advance. Explain that you want stories and memories, not dates, names and places (which older people may struggle with). Reassure them that they do not have to answer all the questions.

• Put your relative at ease. If you don't know the relative well, he or she may not easily open up to you. Reassure them that you'll let them read and approve your notes (once written up) before anyone else sees them. If they are clearly very uncomfortable with being taped or recorded, switch off and revert to note taking.

• Keep to the agreed time limit. If you said the interview would last one hour, don't exceed that time. Your relative is more likely to agree to a follow-up interview if they know you won't abuse their time.

• Show your appreciation. No matter how well you know the relative, it doesn't hurt to send a thank you note or leave a small gift after an interview. It's a courtesy that won't be forgotten.

Getting the interview underway

• Be sensitive. If you know some questions are sensitive, try explaining why you want to know rather than just asking straight out. Remember that many people will not want to speak ill of the dead, and that subjects you consider commonplace may be taboo to someone of a diffent generation.

• Show your interest. People love to talk about themselves to someone who seems genuinely interested in them. You will get the best from your interview if you demonstrate interest and curiosity by listening carefully, and encouraging them to personalise their experiences ie when they describe something that happened, ask them how they felt about what happened.

• Ignore inaccuracies. Recollections are often incorrect. Names may be confused, times and dates may mesh together, and older relatives may confuse one family member with another. Don't correct them, even if you have documentary evidence that contradicts what your relative is telling you. Let him or her tell you they way they remember it. Just make a note of the discrepancy, and move on.

• Listen! Ask a question and then wait for a response. Allow silences (you have to give your relative time to think). Don't interrupt.

Questions to ask

There are no set formulas for conducting interviews with relatives. The questions you ask may differ from one relative to another, or you may ask a number of relatives the exact same question in order to get as many opinions or perceptions of an event or person as possible. You'll also have many questions that are pertinent only to your family, but you might like to use the list of suggested questions (link below) as a starting point.